A peaceful home doesn’t mean a house without noise, messes, disagreements or difficult seasons. To me, a peaceful home is one where hearts are nurtured, people feel safe and loved, and no matter what happens, there is always room for grace.
I have a large family, and when we’re all together, it’s loud, and usually pretty messy! There is cooking, dishes in the sink, people talking over each other, and my grandson showing us all something he’s doing or has made. My usually quiet, clean, everything perfectly in place home is not so much. And I’m okay with that. I would much rather have the mess and have the people than have a perfectly clean, perfectly quiet house with no one in it. Some of my favorite memories have been made in the middle of all the loud and crazy chaos.
But if I’m being truthful, my home and my family haven’t and aren’t always peaceful. Families change. Children grow up and become adults with their own lives, personalities, opinions and ideas about how things should be. They make decisions we may not understand, and sometimes we say or do things they don’t understand either. Feelings get hurt. Misunderstandings happen. People disappoint one another. There can even be seasons of division in families that once felt inseparable.
These times are hard and they place us on our knees in prayer asking for wisdom. Trust me on this one!
These times require humility. (and a lot of it) They require listening when you would rather defend yourself. They mean being willing to say, “I was wrong.” They mean giving someone else grace when you still believe they were wrong. And maybe most importantly, these times require forgiveness more than anything else.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending something didn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean we never need boundaries or difficult conversations. It means deciding that the relationship matters more than keeping score or winning. It means refusing to allow one painful chapter to become the entire story of a family.
I think that’s especially important as our children become adults. When they were little, we were the parents and they were the children, and life was much simpler in that sense. They had no choice but to tolerate us! LOL But adult families are different. Everyone brings their own experiences, opinions, disappointments and expectations to the table. We aren’t always going to agree. In fact, sometimes we are going to disagree about things that matter deeply to us.
But at the end of the day, family means everything to me. And I’m sure to you as well.
One of my favorite Bible verses as my children have become adults says, “My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.” — Isaiah 32:18
I not only want this in my home, but in each of their homes as well, as they start their own families.
I love the picture that verse creates. A home should be a place where the people we love can rest. A place where they know they belong. A place where they can walk through the door knowing they don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
The atmosphere of our homes shapes the hearts of the people living there and those visiting. And I think that atmosphere has much less to do with decorating than we sometimes believe. I love a beautiful home. I love making things pretty, cooking good food and creating a welcoming space for the people I love. But the prettiest house in the world isn’t peaceful if everyone inside it is walking on eggshells.
Real warmth comes from something deeper.
It comes from grace. Laughter. Hospitality. Forgiveness. Good food around a crowded and many times loud table. Saying you’re sorry, hugging someone when there really aren’t any words, letting things go that don’t need to be carried another day. Simply choosing to love each other even when we don’t completely understand each other.
I can’t control everything that happens outside my home, and I’ve learned that I can’t control every decision made by the people I love either. But I can help determine what kind of atmosphere I create when they walk through my door.
I want my home to say, You are welcome here. You are loved here. We may not always agree, but you belong here.
Our families aren’t going to be perfect. Mine certainly isn’t. There will be disagreements, hurt feelings and seasons when we have to find our way back to one another. But perhaps that’s part of what a family is … loving, hurting, forgiving, growing and choosing one another AGAIN … AGAIN …. AND AGAIN