“Intellectual, imaginative, romantic, emotional…
This is what gives sex it’s surprising textures, it’s subtle transformations, it’s aphrodisiac elements. Sex loses all its power and magic when it becomes explicit, mechanical and overdone when it becomes a mechanistic obsession. It becomes a bore. You are shrinking your world of sensations. You are withering it, starving it, draining its blood.
If you nourished your sexual life with all the excitement and adventures which love injects into sensuality, you would be the most potent human being in the world. The source of sexual power is curiosity and passion. You are watching a little flame die of asphyxiation. Sex does not thrive on monotony. Sex must be mixed with tears, laughter, words, promises, scenes, jealousy, envy, all the spices of fear, foreign travel, new faces, novels, stories, dreams, fantasies, music, dancing, and wine. – Anais Nin
Wow!
I don’t care if you’ve been married one, fifteen or fifty years…Who doesn’t want a marriage with a sex life like that? I think it’s safe to say, we all do! But a marriage with that sort of passion doesn’t come without work, and lots of it; especially as we enter into the second half of life.
God designed sex for a reason!
God designed sex between a husband and wife for a reason. He designed it to be pleasurable … for a reason. I believe that reason, is so when the stress of jobs, kids, finances … life, become overbearing, we have an outlet…an escape. As a husband and wife, we sometimes need to temporarily shut the door to the outside world, enjoy each other and lose ourselves in the pleasures that God, Himself designed. We need a world that is all our own; a world that is playful, sensual, erotic and even lewd and taboo if that is what we desire. We need a world that is kept secret from the world we share with family, friends, and coworkers.
Not only is this type of escape extremely therapeutic, it is crucial if we want a healthy/sexy marriage!
Keeping the passion alive
So how do we do it? How do we keep passion and excitement in our marriage like in the quote above, or breathe life back into one that is withering?
It first begins by realizing you are never too old to reinvent your marriage or yourself for that matter. Esther Peril, a sex and marriage counselor and author of Mating in captivity says “Most of us are going to have two or three relationships or marriages, and some of us are going to do it with the same person. Your first marriage is over. Would you like to create a second one together?”
I found that statement/question to be so exciting and full of possibility!
Starting over
I think all of us at one time or another has imagined the excitement of starting over with a new partner, going on romantic getaways, enjoying new experiences and having the new and incredible mind blowing sex that comes with a new relationship!
Guess what? There’s nothing wrong with that! We all crave excitement, newness and even a touch of the forbidden at times, we hunger for it, whether we care to admit it or not. This is why infidelity is on the rise and chat rooms and websites like Ashley Madison are thriving! Sex is so incredibly powerful because it has the addictive ingredients that make us feel youthful, sexy and alive!
So my question to you is this…
Instead of living your remaining years in a boring, stagnant marriage, or taking the risk of losing the life you’ve spent years building together in order to fulfill your need for sexual adventure…why not create a new relationship, (a second marriage, if you will)…TOGETHER?
Have a heart to heart
Decide to have an honest heart to heart conversation with your spouse and redefine what it means to you both to have a healthy and sexy marriage?
I have to warn you though … it won’t be easy at first. So pour a glass of wine or mix a stiff drink and get ready! It will require you being completely honest with your spouse about what you desire sexually. Even if some of your desires may seem out of the ordinary, (yes, I mean kinky) BE HONEST! You may be surprised to find out that your spouse wants nothing more than to please you and is even more turned on by your secret lusts than you ever thought possible.
A healthy marriage is when our spouse allows us to be who we are. (The good, the bad and the freaky) And when our spouse not only allows, but feeds the hunger that we crave inside, we are both not only happier in our marriage, but we’re happier as individuals.
Don’t be a statistic. Please don’t waste 20, 30, 40 years building a life with your spouse only to end up alone or even worse, being lonely under the same roof because you or your spouse’s hunger for sexual adventure isn’t being satisfied. A healthy sex life in marriage is vital! If it wasn’t, God wouldn’t have designed it to be so addictive and to feel so good!
So get creative and think outside the box! Nothing is off limits if the two of you agree…NOTHING!
Be willing to explore and find out what it is that makes you both feel sexy and alive and then have the courage to go for it!
What do you have to lose?