What Is a Successful Life?

“If the only thing you had to offer this world was being thin and rich, you failed miserably.” – unknown

I know that sounds harsh, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what our culture is teaching us, and especially what we are teaching our children about what it means to be successful.

We are living in such a “look at me” world. Look at my house, look at my body, look at my vacation, look at what I bought, look at what I accomplished, look at how much money I make. And this certainly isn’t just a younger generation problem. Plenty of us who are older have fallen into it too. Social media has given all of us a platform, and while I think there can be so much good that comes from that, sometimes I wonder if we have started confusing attention with influence, appearance with worth, and wealth with success.

Before anyone misunderstands me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look good, make money or become successful. I enjoy beautiful clothes, looking as good as I can, having a beautiful home, cooking, decorating, etc.  I have worked hard to change my own life, and I believe there is something wonderful about setting goals and becoming the best version of yourself. I don’t believe God is somehow more pleased with us because we have less. But I do think we have to ask ourselves at some point, what am I doing with what I’ve been given?

Because if everything I accomplish ultimately points back to me, my appearance, my possessions, my success, my lifestyle, then what am I actually contributing to the lives of other people?

That question becomes even more important when I think about our children and grandchildren. They are growing up with a window into thousands of other people’s lives sitting right in the palm of their hands. They can spend hours every day watching beautiful people with beautiful bodies in beautiful houses wearing expensive clothes, taking incredible vacations and showing the world everything they own, eat, wear and do. Even when no one comes right out and says it, the message can become pretty clear: this is what success looks like. This is what you need to become if you want to matter.

That worries me.

What happens when a generation of children grows up believing their value comes from being admired? What happens when a young girl compares her ordinary life and her very normal body to someone else’s edited, filtered and carefully curated highlight reel? What happens when a young boy begins to believe the measure of a man is how much money he makes, what kind of car he drives or how many people know his name?

And maybe an even bigger question is … What happens when ordinary goodness stops looking valuable because nobody is applauding it?

Being a faithful spouse isn’t glamorous. Raising children well isn’t always Instagram-worthy. Taking care of an aging parent doesn’t usually get thousands of likes. Neither does checking on a lonely neighbor, keeping your word, quietlygiving to someone in need, working hard when nobody notices or sitting beside a friend who is hurting.

But those are the things that build lives. Those are the things that build families. And those are the things that ultimately build a better world.

Maybe we need to start asking ourselves different questions about success. Instead of only asking how much money someone makes, maybe we should ask who they have helped. Instead of being so impressed with how someone looks, maybe we should pay attention to how people feel after spending time with them. Instead of asking how many followers someone has, maybe we should ask, how many friends to you have who you could call that would stope what they’re doing to be there for you in your darkest moment. Instead of focusing on everything we’ve accumulated, maybe we should consider how much we’ve given away; how much we’ve sown into the lives of others. How much we’ve loved others unconditionally.

I don’t think the answer is to stop enjoying life or to pretend that material things don’t matter at all. Make the money, build the house, lose the weight and get botox if you want to!  Wear the beautiful clothes, decorate your house, take the trip. Celebrate what you’ve worked hard for …. I’m doing all those things  myself.

But remember to also do something meaningful with the life you’ve built.

Encourage someone, teach others what you’ve learned. Give generously. (My Caroline was the best at this!) Invite someone lonely to dinner. Call the friend who’s hurting. Most importantly, raise children who understand that character matters more than popularity. Show up for people when there isn’t a camera around. Use whatever success you have achieved to make someone else’s life a little better.

I’ve thought about this a lot as I’ve considered sharing more of my own life online. I love being healthy, looking my best and wearing cute clothes! I love it!!! I also love cooking, decorating, having nice dinners and vacations …  all the fun parts of life. I want to share those things because I genuinely enjoy them. But I never want the underlying message of what I share to simply be, “Look at me.”

I’d much rather it say, “Here’s some ideas that might inspire you.”

Here’s something I’ve learned. Here’s something that encouraged me. Here’s a meal you might make for someone you love. Here’s something I learned the hard way that might save you some heartache. Here’s a reminder that you aren’t too old to change your life. Here’s a truth that might make you think differently about the words you’re speaking over yourself. Here’s something beautiful simply because life is still meant to be enjoyed.

To me, that is a much better definition of influence. I don’t care to be an “influencer”  but I do want to be a woman of Godly influence.

Our children don’t need another generation of adults teaching them how to become impressive. They need adults showing them how to become people who bring something good into the lives of others. They need to see kindness, generosity, faithfulness, humility, wisdom, compassion and self-control. They need to understand that some of the most valuable things they will ever possess cannot be purchased, photographed, filtered or counted in followers.

Jesus asked a question thousands of years ago that feels really relevant today: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” — Mark 8:36

Think about that in the world we’re living in now. Imagine gaining everything our culture tells us to want … beauty, money, attention, possessions, followers and influence, and then discovering that none of it taught us how to love another person well or to be loved well by others.

Okay, so we’re fit, rich and famous. What have we really gained?

What if a successful life is much simpler than we’ve made it. YES! Take care of yourself, work hard, dream big, enjoy beautiful things. Prosper!  But also leave people better than you found them. Raise children who know their worth isn’t determined by a mirror, a bank account or a screen. Give more than you take. Love people when nobody is watching. And use whatever gifts, resources and influence God has given you to bring something good into this world.

I guarantee you, nobody is going to remember what size jeans you wore, how many followers you had, what car you drove or how beautiful you were if you spent your entire life showing it all off.  But people will remember that you loved them. They will remember that you encouraged them. They will remember that you showed up when they needed you. And they will absolutely remember if something you said or did made them believe their life mattered, they could do amazing things and they felt loved.

That sounds a lot more like a successful life to me and the kind of legacy I want to leave for my family.