Losing a Child Changes You

When you lose your child and experience that level of pain, you start seeing life completely differently. There is the person you were before, and then there is the person you become after. You may still look the same to everyone else. You may still go to work, cook dinner, laugh with friends, celebrate birthdays, and eventually find joy again. But something inside you has permanently shifted. Losing a child changes who you are, and you will never be exactly the same person again.

You think differently, you talk differently … you’re just different.  Things that once seemed important suddenly don’t matter nearly as much. You have very little patience for passive aggression, dishonesty, unnecessary drama, or relationships that aren’t consistent.  It isn’t because you’ve become cold or uncaring. It’s because grief has taught you the difference between what is important and what is not.

You also begin to understand just how precious real relationships are. You love differently because you now know, in a way you never wanted to know, that tomorrow isn’t promised. Someone you love can be here one minute, and then suddenly they aren’t. So you want the people around you to be real. You want conversations that mean something and to spend your time with people who genuinely love you. people who will protect you in rooms you’re not in.

And strangely, after surviving the loss you thought you could never survive, letting go of relationships that aren’t healthy becomes easier. SO MUCH EASIER….You’ve already buried a part of yourself, so walking away from a relationship that isn’t honest, doesn’t feel nearly as hard anymore. You’re not mad or resentful, you still love and show respect to those who have hurt you, just don’t participate … you simply don’t have the energy.

I think, for me anyway, peace becomes extremely valuable after loss. You’ve already experienced pain you wouldn’t wish on anyone. You don’t want to spend the life you have left creating more pain through bitterness, resentment, or relationships built on pretense. You become much more intentional about what you allow into your heart and what you give your energy to.

Losing a child taught me something I wish I could have learned another way: Life is incredibly fragile … honest relationships are incredibly precious … and your peace is worth protecting.

I just can’t (and won’t) waste my time on people who aren’t genuine or those who chose to hurt and judge me during the saddest season of my life. When someone knows you’re struggling, yet still chooses to hurt you … that says SO much about their true feelings for you and the kind of person they really are. That type of behavior changes how you see them forever.